have you forgotten how we used to dream?

Today was a hum-drum day.

I thought I had all my homeowrk done for the weekend, but unfortunately I opened up my mail today to find my history teacher had POSTED ME homework. Really, Crohan?

Ugh.

But anyway, we went over to my cousin Robby's house, and his wife Sabra had made us like this amazing dinner that we cooked on the table-top grill thing... it was awesome. I love my cousins, they're all older and married with babies cause my dad was the youngest of five... I have the best conversations ever with Robby, he's all into music and loves the 80's... we're totally the same. XD

And their baby, Briggs, is the cutest baby ever. I love her so much, and i'm going to be the best aunt in the world to her (even though thats not really the relation, but whatever. I'll be the aunt that isn't really your aunt but should be because they're so awesome. That'll be me.)

I cant wait to get through with my homework tomorrow and collapse in a heap. I'm kinda sick of winter right now. I want to wear shorts to bed.

Currently~
Mood: cuddly (I want Briggsy back in my lap... she's the best cuddle-bug <3)
Music: Aerosmith, Get Your Wings
Video: n/a
Lit: Ordinary People--Judith Guest

and aimed at my chest with love in his eyes

Today was fantastic (weather wise).

It was my fantasy day--it was quite cloudy all day (and not that milky, overcast cloudy, but like real, dark, puffy clouds) and warm, in the 60's, with a nice warm wind. It was amazing.

I stood outside the store for an hour this afternoon while I waited for my sister to get out of dance, and I just watched the clouds slide past. I was standing in the alley, so the wind was really intense channeled between the buildings and it was really nice. Very peaceful.

Also, at Forever 21, I got this adorable black mid-thigh length jacket with wool sweater sleeves and a hood on it that I can't find a picture of... but trust me, it's adorable.

I got my chem retake grade back... the retake grade wasn't great, so when averaged together my final grade for that test went up, from a 53 to a 55. So instead of getting an F-, im just getting an F.

Brilliant.

BUT. I have ceased to care. I refuse to spend any more of my energy worrying over this thing. I'm done with it, and it's done with me. End of story.

Now, on to my weekend!

(Also, a big shout-out to Ron-chan, a.k.a Ema, who is home trying to whip her jippy tummy back into line. I hope you feel better soon dearest! -hugg-

Currently~
Mood: spacey
Muisc: Bang Bang--K'naan & Adam Levine (SRSLY. awesome song.)
Video: Ghost Whisperer XD
Lit: Ordinary People--Judith Guest (finally!! I love this book~)

of your eyes, begonia skies like a sleepyhead

I can't wait for the weekend.

I want to finish all of my homework on Saturday and then sit around on Sunday and watch Under the Tuscan Sun and pretend i'm in Italy instead of stubbornly cold Massachusetts.

This is the first year ive ever really wanted spring and summer to come. I love winter and cold weather but this year I want to sunbathe and wear t-shirts more than anything.

Better go study for algebra.... parabolas still stump me.

Currently~
Mood: tired (again)
Music: Bang Bang--K'naan & Adam Levine (EMA look this up, you'll love it~)
Video: "Tell Us Your Problems" Machine (Roxas)--NoUProductions, YouTube
Lit: TPBoD

she shot me, bang bang, she shot me

I just finished the make-up cemistry test!!

And it was much, much easier than the original, and I think I did really well! -victory-

I had no idea how much weight it was putting on me before, but now that it's gone I feel so light! It's pretty awesome, even though I know there's other projects I have coming up and stuff. I feel quite accomplished!

Currently~
Mood: CONQUEROR~!!
Music: 42--Coldplay
Video: Lucky Star episode 21
Lit: TPBoD~

eh, eh, there's nothing else i can say

I feel so. utterly. spent.

I have almost no drive for anything anymore, I realized today. Even things I usually love learning about, like art, have become totally vapid. I was just staring at my still-life drawing in art today and was terrified to find that it was starting to feel like a chore. So you can only imagine how hard it must be for me to focus in subjects I hate, like U.S. History.

I really just want my motivation back. I dont wat to sit down to homework feeling like i'd rather kill myself... it's not a good feeling.

I wonder if I'm depressed. I hope not.

I got a haircut earlier... Jillian put in alot of mousse and spray so it's all poofy.

...I want to sleep for a week.

Currently~
Mood: vapid
Music: Beautiful, Dirty, Rich--Lady Gaga
Video: Turks crack--JenxtheJinx
Lit: Bread Givers

everybody get down

School. SUCKS.









I want to draw. And write. And fag around the mall with Ron-chan~
More vacation please.

Currently~
Mood: exhausted/strained
Music: Now That We're Done--Metro Station
Video: midlands shat
Lit: TPBoD!

and what if it makes the last sound be the very best sound

Today we drove back from Maine...

Last night and the night before we stayed at aunt Lil's, which is basically a palace. I want to LIVE in that room above the garage.

Cece, Meghan and Ben were up there with us, and they had a marker fight. It got all over Cece's face. It was hilarious.

But tonight I went to the Saint Paul's Youth talent show... Mack was the MC, and Ema, Jazz, and all those cool peeps performed and were awesome... Abba was on drinks XD

And I owe her a 20! Gotta remember that. -headdesk-

But anyway. Good muisc, good friends, good food, good times.

.....FER GEWD. @^@

Currently~
Mood: hyper/dread (school... CHEM... -dies-)
Music: SafetySuit, Life Left to Go <33333 (LOOK THIS UP IF YOU HAVENT, GOD)
Video: Oscars
Lit: TPBoD on LiveJournal

banjo kazooooiiiiieeee

There is internet!

We're at the ski place, after a whole day of skiing, and im pretty tired...

It's snowed like a foot or two since we arrived last night, and the mountain was so drift-covered this morning that I fell about seven times in one run.

But it was much better after noon and we got at least five good runs in. It was awesome~~

And the hotel we're staying at is full of this huge group of british kids on their curch retreat or something... they're all gay, I swear. Which is kind of ironic, haha.

I'm not nearly as sore today as I was after our last trip. I'd forgotten what it was like to walk without pain. XD

Currently~
Mood: content
Music: There's A Fire--OK Go
Video: itsalexyeah--YouTube
Lit: Legal Drug--CLAMP

it's true, there's a little bit of me in every one of you

I don't know whether I'll have internet in Maine, so this might be my last post for a few days... as many as five.

We get back on Sunday. We're going skiing again... tomorrow, I think. I'm already sore.

Ema left earlier. We've been watching more anime.

Ho hum, pig's bum.

Currently~
Mood: lazy
Music: I'm Bad--The Last Vegas
Video: MushiShi--Those Who Inhale the Dew
Lit: Nana--Ai Yazawa

i walked ten-thousand miles, ten-thousand miles to see you

I am so... sore...

I bought my knee-hi converse today!! Pictures later. They're so amazing.

Ema's over!! Watched Spirited Away... such a great movie.

We leave tomorrow. Can't decide how I feel about that.

Currently~
Mood: sleepy
Music: Metropark Soundoff 4
Video: MushiShi--Inside the Cage
Lit: Nana

hold on tight, wait for tomorrow, you'll be alright

My knee is eating me from the inside.

We went skiing today, and the conditions were pretty awful... like, an inch or two of powder above a three-inch-thick ice slick.

I fell five times. It's a new record!

But I kept trying to turn with my right knee, which is my fucked up one, and my thigh would turn but not my ski. So I spent four or five hours grinding my knee bones the wrong way and now I can hardly put weight on it without this sharp throb.

I hope it goes away soon.

But then we went to Kohls and bought clothes... I got two yummy zip-front sweaters, a t-shirt that says "music saved my life" and a gorgey vest that must be seen to be believed.

I kind of cant WAIT for tomorrow. Ema and I are going to have a bloody fantastic time farting around the mall and drooling over $100 pairs of shoes that we can almost afford.

Don't forget the movie Ema! I'm putting reminders everywhere, hahaha~

Currently~
Mood: floaty
Music: Be My Last--Utada Hikaru
Video: Demyx Time 11 preview
Lit: Bread Givers

gonna shut out the noise with a rock and roll song

Last night was spent watching Lucky Star and Mushi-shi DVD's... I accidentally stayed up until about 1 am. No, really.

Today I woke up absurdly early (again) and we went off to Aunt Sara and Uncle Pete's for the party to meet their new basset puppy, who was recently names Sergeant. He is quite possibly one of the cutest puppies ever.


He's got huge paws the size of a baby bear's, and his ears are so long that he trips over them when he walks.

I thought that only happened to puppies in cartoons, but he actually did several face plants from tripping over his own (8-inch-long) ears.

Also, as you can see, when he looks own all of his skin falls into his face and he can't see all that well. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

My dog doesn't like him very much yet, but I can only imagine him chasing after her as he did the whole time going "HEY who are you wanna play wanna play huh huh do ya?"

She's exhausted from running away from him all day.

I have to go skiing tomorrow. -whines-

Currently~
Mood: on edge
Music: Playing Along--Keane
Video: n/a
Lit: Legal Drug--CLAMP

i am covered in skin... no one gets to come in

I'm so exhausted I'm actually in physical pain.

I think it's stress. I really need to unwind.

I'm going out in a bit for dinner and some retail therapy at barnes&noble.

booksbooksbooksbooksbooks

Currently~
Mood: spent
Music: Life Left To Go (song)--SafetySuit
Video: news
Lit: Bread Givers

just for the record, the weather today is slighty sarcastic, with a good chance of indifference

Chemistry INFURIATES me.

Or, at least the teacher does.

Our class took a test on Monday, and the class average is so bad that he won't tell us what it is. He said that he would let anyone who got below a 75% retake it, and I can tell you right now, its about 23 out of 28 kids.

And this is an honors chemistry class!! There are some freakishly smart kids in there. Wouldn't the fact that most of them failed make you think maybe there's something wrong with the TEST, and not with the 23 kids who have IQs over 139?

I don't and never will understand his logic. And, since I got a measly 52%, I have to work over vacation to prepare for the dumbass retake that i'll feel guilty if I skip.

And even if I get like an 85, which is my test average, the average of the two tests will only bring the grade up to a 69. I ask you.

So, i'll try to relax about it, but I really just wanna be obnoxious and ask him who told him this makeup test was a good idea. Cos they ought to be duffed up a bit.

And, on top of all that, I'm being dragged to Maine for about five days out of my vacation, meaning i'll have to miss my friend Tara's scary movie party. Now, I love my grandma, and I do want to spend time with her, but FIVE days out of February vacation, right before a chemistry makeup test? AND I'm being made to go skiing, one of my LEAST favorite past times??!

I'd like to ask the universe what the hell I did wrong. I haven't had karma hit me so hard in a very long time.

Or maybe i'm just too depressed... whatever. Candy and flowers and shit tomorrow. Happy up, Momo.

Currently~
Mood: cheated
Music: London Beckoned Songs...--Panic!
Video: channel 5 news
Lit: Blonde Ambition

when you hear the beloved song... i am with you

I have been neglecting my life.

The fanfic I mentioned in my previous entry has consumed my time and attention so completely that i'm actually having psychological withdrawl symptoms during the school day. An already boring U.S. History class has become impossible to focus on.

But, in other news, Kevin had a successful date with Big!! I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

And, EMA. I know you will be reading this before the day is out, and hear me shout: GO. TO. BED. I mean it, like ten o'clock. None of this "oh, i'll go to bed... after three chapters of BA." NO. BED. I can't stand having you so drowsy and unlike yourself for the few minutes I see you every day.

Anyway, i'm frolicking off now to read some more. I can't fucking WAIT for this week to be over. If I have to do Chemistry work over February break i'm committing ritual suicide.

*smiles angelically*

Currently~
Mood: overworked/stressed
Music: Parallel Universe--RHCP... California KIIIIIIINGG~~~!!!
Video: Oprah
Lit: Blonde Ambition!! <33

and the mask you put on, its like words and a song

Aggh, today wasn't that awesome a day at all, but I'm in such an awesome fucking mood right now!!

We're hoping to change our song in jazz class, and the new song we're considering is like New-Orleans-Alien-murder-mystery. It's so fucking jazzy I can't get over it.

ALSO--Blonde Ambition by sephcounttheways on FFnet ([link]) is so AMAZING. God, this writer is out-of-my-mind awesome, and she sets things up so well. I just love her scenes and her humor. It's all too good.

I'm only on chapter 5 and I have to go to bed!!! WRYYY?????!!!!

And the 6th chapter title has 'kissed' in it!!! WHY THE HELL IS LIFE SO UNFAIR?!

ALSO ALSO. I wanted to finish seeing Sense and Sensibility, right? So it was on tonight, and my dad and sister just spent two hours watching it!! AND DIDN'T TELL ME!!! TRAITORSSSSSS!!!

I'm going to get the most hyper sleep ever now~

-bounds off-

Currently~
Mood: fucking insane
Music: SafetySuit--Life Left To Go
Video: n/a
Lit: Blonde Ambition~~~!!!

why can't the moon stay full forever?

I HATE that Masterpiece Theatre is only half a movie per night.

I just watched half of Sense and Sensibility, up to the part where Willaby (is that how you spell it?) goes away to London. I know what happens and it's torturous not to be able to watch the rest.

I want to go up and finish Pride and Prejudice now. I haven't read it in a while.

Currently~
Mood: romantic
Music: Goo Goo Dolls, Dizzy Up the Girl
Video: Keeping Up Apearances
Lit: Bread Givers

broadway is dark tonight

Today was damn awesome, other than the fact that Kevin seemed to drop off the face of the Earth... I hope he isn't sick. D:

I switched into art for both of my study periods, so I had three straight hours of art. It was pretty fantastic, and I got my self-portrait finished!! I'm pretty pleased with it.

Then Ema and I walked down town in the ball-breaking cold. I couldn't feel my thighs for hours afterward.

We went to Pizza Market for lunch, which is just an awesome place because we only had about fourteen bucks between us and we got two sodas and almost a whole pizza. The slices there are about a quarter of a whole pizza and only cost two bucks apiece.

We still had two bucks fifty leftover afterward to buy SPK's, snickers bars and a fistful of resees minis.

Then we sat at Ema's house and watched Housewives of Orange County and Bling Bling Birthday or whatever the hell it was called.

Those girls make me sick to my stomach. We only got to like #4 on the list of ultimate sweet-sixteens, but #5 was this fat bitch who thought her parents were her slaves and that everything was about her.

People like that, at least in that extreme, really REALLY piss me off. I work hard for the equality and respect I get in my family, and to watch these girls drag their parents around by their hair makes me want to scream and throw stuff.

And in any case, it's your SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY, not your fucking wedding. This bitch was screaming at her friends and swearing and throwing fits when she didn't get the jungle-gym hung from the hotel ceiling.

We're sorry, PRINCESS, but we're afraid we've got to send you to be butt-fucked in a dark alley somewhere. Maybe you'll come back a normal human being.

GOD.

But, on the bright side....

I have cookies.

Currently~
Mood: antsy
Music: Gives You Hell--All-American Rejects
Video: n/a
Lit: Honey Hunt

and it feels like the world is coming down on me

I had a quiet day today... which is alot, for me.

I'm stuck in this place right now where I'm somewhere between falling listlessly to the ground in defeat and strangling a small animal to death.

I've had tons and tons of homework lately; like, an anomalous amount, since the beginning of this week. I just finished tonight's a few minutes ago, after all my other responsabilities like dish duty and laundry and going to the gym and stuff.

But I turned on my 'jams' playlist and now I'm in a somewhat happy mood. Tomorrow will hopefully be very low-key... I have chem, art and two studies for the half day, so i'll spend that finishing my self-portrait.

There's something very focusing about throwing yourself into a project that takes instincts and feelings instead of brain power. I always give a little part of me to every one of my projects, and when I come out of them I typically find the answers I'd thought were unattainable before I started.

And then hopefully i'll go out to lunch with my lovely fag hags, Kev and Ema. I'm really looking forward to it--I almost never get to spend time with them even though I love them both so much.

And then I have a dentist appointment. Yuck. But, whatever.

I hope this shit doesn't keep up for much longer. Not having time for me-thinking is definitely taking its toll.

Currently~
Mood: drained
Music: The March--Astra Heights
Video: random stuff
Lit: Bread Givers

and i wonder where these dreams go

Today was a relatively low-key day.

It was snowing from second period on, and it's still snowing now. I love the sound of falling snow, and I stood out in it for a while after the bus dropped me off. We were let out fifteen minutes early, so nobody would miss me anyway. And the world was so peaceful, like the snow was mellowing everything out.

I wonder, if snow just fell all over the entire world, maybe people would see what peace can be and what it should be. If all of the world could be snow-covered stillness. That would be so nice.

Currently~
Mood: zen
Music: Acoustic #3--Goo Goo Dolls, Dizzy Up the Girl
Video: n/a
Lit: Honey and Clover,--Chica Umino

and baby when it's love, if its not rough, it isn't fun

Today has been a little off.

Ema wasn't at school again, as she was feeling poor... It was all around okay as far as school.

I had Guidance Seminar last period, which is usually fine except they're making us pick classes already... which is just a little bit of BS.

But anyway.

I'm in it with Judy, a good friend since last year. And we're filling out our course lists, joking around and laughing, and there's this girl at the end of the table (whose name will be omitted), who for some reason has hated me, just for existing, since eighth grade. So she's down there, fuming up a silent storm, mumbling as if we can't hear, "God, just SHUT UP" or "thanks for sharing" everytime I finish a sentence.

I'm trying to ignore her, like, yeah, thanks for your input, its so insightful I could die, but I really dont care, kay? Judy didn't really notice that she was talking to us, but I sure did, and I'm wondering this: How could one person manage to be such a royal bitch to people who have in no way ever harmed her (body or pride) in any way?

I really want someone to explain to me why she hates me, because I just don't see it. I will admit openly that I can be loud sometimes without knowing it, and yes, it can be obnoxious. It's not my favorite thing about myself, but it's who I am and I live with it. But I would think at this age we've reached the level of maturity where you can either tell the person (me) to please quiet down, you're wicked loud, (which I usually take fairly well if you feel the need to do this) or just ignore it. But, at least in her case, apparently not.

I'm sorry for ranting, but this person, who like I said will remain unnamed in case there's someone reading this who shouldn't be, makes me angry beyond all possible description. I really wish that she, wherever she is, will grow up and get a life of her own.

And even if, for example, her home life isn't the rose field it should be, DON'T take it out on people around you--especially those who aren't prepared to help you through things. I'm not saying that if you hate your parents you're just a brat, because that is part of being a teenager, but to a certain level you should keep your petty rebellions to a radius in which people CARE.

Okay, I think I'm done. I just needed that off my chest.

Also, to Abba-dearest, I'm so sorry I spoiled your time. I promise I didn't purposely include that person in the conversation, and I promise I will no longer divulge that which you wish to keep between us. Next time, I promise you I will clear it with you first. I cherish our private jokes and henceforth pledge to keep them private. <33

....THE END. *heavy sigh*

Currently~
Mood: exasperated
Music: Poker Face--Lady Gaga, The Fame <33
Video: Chuck
Lit: Bread Givers

i'm talking to you jailer. stop calling me a prisoner.

...I hate sundays....

The superbowl commercials were very dissappointing this year.

Go Steelers.

Currently~
Mood: dread (schooooool DX)
Music: Jailer--Asa
Video: superbowl xliii
Lit: y!gallery stuff :3